Idea for gathering church funds

Ideas for gathering Church funds!!!!!!!!

Clean Religious Jokes

The hand of God

Little Philip was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in infant school. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful.

His grandmother commented, ‘Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery?  Did you know God painted this just for you?’
‘Yes, ‘replied Philip, ‘God did it and he did it left handed.’

Philips Grandmother was curious as to this reply and asked Philip why he thought God painted this beauty with his left hand.

Philip replied, “Well God only has two hands and we were told in school this week that Jesus sits on Gods right hand”

Think of others

A large, well built man visited the local St. Vincent de Paul and asked to see the person in  charge, who was well known for her charity.

As he spoke to her he said in a voice breaking with emotion, ‘I’d like to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district.  The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving.  They are about to be turned out into the cold streets unless someone pays their £400 rent arrears.’

‘How frightful!’ exclaimed the woman. ‘May I ask who you are?’

The visitor wiped his eyes with his handkerchief and wailed, ‘I’m their landlord.’

Martin Sheen

 

“The Oak tree”

Enter the new year doing everything you can to nourish a deep Catholic faith. Try and leave aside the outside negativity and focus on ways to strengthen your own personal relationship with God.

When the dark hours arrive as they usually do,

God willing your faith will pull you through.

 

The Oak Tree

by Johnny Ray Ryder Jr

 

 

A mighty wind blew night and day,
It blew the oak tree’s leaves far far away.
Then it snapped its boughs and pulled its bark,
Until the oak  tree became tired and stark.

But still the oak tree held its ground,
While other trees fell all around,
The weary wind gave up and spoke,
“How can you still be standing old Mr. Oak”?

The oak tree said, I know that you,
Can break each branch of mine in two,
Carry every leaf away,
Shake my limbs, and make me sway.

But I have roots stretched in the earth,
Growing stronger and stronger since my birth,
You’ll never touch them, for you see,
They are the deepest part of me.

Until today, I wasn’t sure,
Of just how much I could endure,
But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,
I’m stronger than I ever.

Jokes

Just after Christmas Father Michael, was walking along the pavement in front of his church when he heard someone praying and when he inspected closer, what he heard nearly made his collar wilt.  Apparently, his 5-year-old nephew, Rory, and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and some cotton wool, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.

Rory, the Priests nephew was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with dignity, he prayed his version of what he thought his Uncle always said, ‘Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.’

 

 

At the pearly gates, a taxi driver and Priest are waiting in line. St. Peter consults his list and says to the taxi driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
St. Peter next greets the Priest saying, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”
“Just a minute,” says the Priest,  “That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff while I get a cotton robe and wooden staff. How can this be?”
“Up here, we work by results,” says St. Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed”